You can break my heart, but you can't break me. I am a small person but i have more strength than you can ever imagine. This is the same strength i've built throughout the life i have lived. The best thing that i have learned out of everything, the most valuable lesson is that, the ones closest to you can go furthest away from you. You gave them a special place in your heart, but they have you erased from theirs. For this reason, i have always been careful not to be close to someone i cared most about for fear that something bad will bound to happen in due time as and when happiness decides not to linger on my door anymore. The people i loved the most, i can't tell them just how much they meant to me. Because then i know i will expect something in return and i hate to feel disappointed and broken. I don't want to feel like i am just waiting for myself to get burnt everytime.
I have said it once, i have said it twice. I have said it a thousand times that I am ok, I am fine that it is all in my mind. But this has got the best of me and I can't seem to think rationally. I am done getting hurt, I am done being treated less than i deserved, I am done being taken advantage of , I am done being nice to everyone and I am done caring about something that doesn't even matter anymore. I'm sorry but thats just how i think right now. I think the worst of everything and everyone and I just don't trust anyone, anymore.
Have you ever wish to have someone that you know for sure will spent half of their day listening you grumbling just about anything and someone whom you know will never walked out of your life and especially someone whom you can completely trust. Sometimes i wish i could talk to anybody about anything and not feel insecure for letting my walls come down. Sometimes i just need to talk and somebody to listen. Nothing more nothing less. Sometimes i marvel at why some people just can't do that. I mean, sure they are such good bunch of nice people but I just don't trust them enough to talk things pertaining to my life and all. Well....there is someone actually. It has been a long time since the last time we actually talked. And i miss her terribly. :(
I'm sorry for feeding you with one of my emotianal post again. I can't help it. I don't want the worries to sit inside me like a big lump anymore. And i promised that my next post will not anymore be sappy but just maybe, full of happiness.