Back to square one

A good friend of mine once told me how he was deeply in love with a girl, only to have his heart broken. He told me how hurt he was and the pain he felt inside was excruciating enough to the point that his duct tears burst. And i don't understand why some people thinks just because someone is a boy, he can't cry. I mean boy or not, he has feelings too and only real men won't be afraid to cry his eyes out especially when there's a girl around. They're not being sissy, they're being cute and completely honest with his feelings and there is nothing wrong with being honest with oneself. Okay, thats a whole different story already. Let's not get sidetracked. Back to my story. So i was there to hear his side of story and to be honest, im not exactly fond of hearing sad life stories but his was so compelling and besides friends help each other, don't they? I became his emotional prop for that period of time. He told me how heartbreaking it was, how he gave that girl all things that would become the envy of other girls. Frankly, i have never had my heart broken, well technically speaking, sure there's at least a boy who had made me down on all hopes but my heart broken? I don't know what that means, how that feels like, how upsetting. I don't know how cruel love can be and for most times i have heard people bellowing about how broken their heart is, the unbearable pain that engulfed them, i never knew why. I mean if you're only 14/15, what do you know about love?


Does your definition of love meant going into relationships with someone you barely know? Or you call it love when you have been crushing on a guy for only a few weeks? You know, its not as simple as that. I mean come on, there are millions of other guys you have not met that you will in years to come. You can't be 100% certain about your current crush is 'the one', for all you know that person might just turned out to be another one before you truly met the one. Im just saying, you never know how life can be. 4teen is still so young and people will come and go as and when they like. Soon you will stop chasing after people because you think life has taught you enough but back to reality like HELLO! When you become young adults, then you will know how love is hard and life is strange.


I sounded so defensive and it was not supposed to come out like that. But well, thats me...being me. On a higher note, in a matter of a few hours it will officially be 2011, baby!! Gosh im excited like shitsxzszsxzsxz!!! I believed how people sometimes said a new year will be a better year. I hope so. I mean i know so! I need to make some new year resolutions pretty sooon. Or maybe not. I never sticked to them faithfully anyway so why bother?  And hey, to some people out there get a positive outlook in life. Don't surround yourself with negative energy all the time.

Every girl should have her own Bruno Mars. His lyrics are exactly what a girl would love to hear and what boys should know.

Where is the good in goodbye?

The heart is such a bizzare thing, and so are our emotions. Lately i have been feeling a lot of things which up till now i have not fully comprehend what this turmoil inside me is supposed to be. Is it sadness? I don't reckon that because i have been spending my time with my loved ones and as far as i know i am content with my already blessed life. Is it happiness then? Then why do i still at times fight the urge to cry even when its nothing at all. When everything seems to fall in place, i tend to get lost in my thought process and somehow think otherwise. Its the same feeling that has been recurring time after time and its tiring to manage myself alone. Hence at times like this i wish i had someone who would not just waltz in and out of my life.  (I miss you and the way when your eyes found me i could hardly breathe, there is such intensity i felt everytime you looked at me. I miss that and I regret we didn't get to say goodbye properly.)

Okay, enough of that. So moving forward, i am back now and am missing everything. Being me, how i sometimes stereotyped, i can't believed i am actually missing my trip, the country to be specific and im so glad this time, my family decided its not going to be a holiday in KL/Genting/Cameron/Malacca/Batam/wherever i have been to or otherwise it would neutral. In any case, there were a lot of cute boys over there and it was nice, not too hot, the locals were nice and believed it or not the city has more hotels than houses. For the days i was there, i hardly see any locals. There were more tourists and shopping malls had NO soul inside (with the exception of shop owners of course). Yes, you read it right. I'll show you what i meant when i said there's no soul. THERE IS REALLY NOBODY AROUND THE MALL EVEN WHEN ALL THE SHOPS WERE OPEN! I went to a lot of places with the locals trying to converse with us using their language. I swear i can never understand what 'Maka Sua' is. I feel so lazy trying to upload many pictures so i will pick random photos for some days i was there.

On another note, after i came back i don't feel like texting anybody. I don't like texting anymore and sometimes i never reply to people's texts or if i do, it will be after an hour or so and why do i keep getting msgs from people i don't know and calls from them that i never picked up or replied to. HaHa, too bad for them.

You can be the butter to my bread.

December is coming to an end. Its a matter of days now. I reckon im not exactly ready for 2011 but i can't wait for 2010 to end. I cant wait to let go of all the issues within me, of all memories that are not worth remembering, better to scour them all, better to let my emotions pour out before i genuinely embraced the new year. This past couple of days had been nothing but intense and hectic and dirty. And now i am just left with this big ball of anger and sadness inside me and i hate it. But above all, i thank life for teaching me a lesson or two. I guess its relatively true when they said looks can be pretty deceiving and some people tried to change me and masked the fact that they are a bunch of good-for-nothing people.


Enough said. I shall quickly summarize how my life has been these days. So last two weekend, luck was really down on my side. I was stranded somewhere in a foreign country, my car broke down, we got helped from a few of the local people there (but they didnt helped much tho), i slept on some coffeshop's table and mind you, IT WASNT IN S'PORE. To sum it up, it topped everything on worstthanaworstday.com ha. Fast forward to the following monday. My favourite girls slept over and we did what girls do, only better. On tuesday morning, we decided on going swimming so we packed lunch and grabbed a handful of things and clothes and headed out. Our plan to have a picnic on saturday totally backfired. We suck at this. Haha. On the same weekened, went to attend a wedding somewhere in m'sia. Wedding was okay, bride looked stunning and the groom wasn't that bad. Two days ago, went shopping again with my momma. We didn't exactly set a budget but before we even enter the mall my mum went all  'Don't overspend today/You can't buy all that you want/we have to save so dont overspend/I didnt bring much money with me so dont overspend/blahblah things like that. But *scoffs* who are we trying to kid? We all knew we're going to somehow overspent and so we ended up spending $222 (its an old habit of my mom to always check how much she had spent for the day). With the number of new shoes collection we bought, on the same night we cleaned up good and threw away some old shoes to make room for new ones.


Anyway yesterday went johore with my cousins and never did i once stop to marvel at why the locals seemed to look at us in a i-knw-you're-not-a-local-here kind of way. It felt good tho, to be different.  I have a flight to catch on wednesday night and woah i am so glad its not another holiday trip to KL/Genting.

epitome-of-perfect-moments.com HaHa. Check it out.

Love makes the world go round.

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hi there sorry i kinda just let my fingers do what it did but thats how i feel right now. im beyond ecstatic/euphoric/intoxicated/on cloud nine. To sum it up, i don't think any word would do any justice to my feelings right now. Alright now, let me straighten this out. I reckon its not just another fling or crush or just another person who decided to change my life for good. Hehehehe i never thought i would say this but for the first time, i know i am right. I know it for sure. Reason being, he is different. Oh wait, maybe not. He's only better ^^. Heheh when my phone vibrates and i saw your name, its more than just butterflies in my tummy, its more than just my heart thumping, its more than just a feeling. I don't remember when was the last time i felt this way. He makes me happy just like that. How much he has sacrificed for me. The late night calls. I especially adore how he opens up to me so easily, how he tells me everything and i was afraid maybe he was trusting me too much but then again, on second thought i loved how it feels to have someone like him. I loved how indirectly he taught me a lot of things already. I loved how his every word make me feel....i don't know how to put it in words but, different. Just different.

And lest you're wondering, he's not just another sixteen year old boy okay! He has passed that barrier few years back.

ps i met my girls and boys today and only He knows how much I have been missing them <3