Perfect is boring. Human is beautiful.

Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
-He gave me the best of his everything and for him being himself around me


What on your body is hurting or bothering you?
-Nothing in particular


What was your last thought before going to bed last night?
-SECRETTTTTTTTT


What are you listening to?
-I was wrong by 2am


What’s something you’re not looking forward to?
-Hmmmmm.....nothing. I don't really have much plans these days


Where do you think your best friend is right now?
-Still in bed


Have you kissed anybody in the last 5 days?
-Errrr, if i remember it clearly then yes i have


Sex on the first date?
-Yeah if i want my mom to skin me alive, hahaah


Kiss on the first date?
-Well...depends


Is there one person you want to be with right now?
-Tsk, asking the obvious


Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
-Fairly happy


Is there something you would like to say to someone?
-Plenty


What are three things you did today?
-Shower, ate, dance around like there's nobody watching


Would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?
-Sleep out


What is your favorite kind of gum?
-Not bothered because i can never blow bubbles


Are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?
-YEAH


Is there on person whom you have lost contact with and you wished to meet him/her again and if yes, who is it?
-No don't think so..but on second thought yes (nazrul)


What is on your wrists right now?
-Bread crumps. It must have been there while im eating


Do you hate when people call you when you’re sleeping?
-Depends on who that person is actually


Ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?
-As a matter of fact, yes and i believed our chances are wafer-thin :(


Who’s the biggest slut you know?
-Hahaha don’t know. I don't consider people sluts


Does anyone have strong feelings for you?
-Hmm don't know not a clue not sure but maybe you never know


Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
-No but on second thought, maybe yes


Have you ever wasted your time on someone?
-Don't think so


Can you do the alphabet in sign language?
-Errrr....no


How long have you had MySpace?
-How long? I don't even have an account exist for myspace


How have you felt today?
-Hungry exhausted bored missing people


You receive $60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
-Clothes food food and more food hehe


What is wrong with you right now?
-I am a computer addict i seriously need someone to talk some sense into me and i need to learn how to express my unhappiness


Is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?
-No don't think so I am relatively happy with the people i know


Would you rather have Starbucks or Jamba Juice right now?
-Starbucks and someone please tell me what the hell is a jamba juice


Why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
-oh simple: because he was too clingy


How late have you ever stayed up, when and why?
-5:06AM two nights ago because apparently he decided to call me and we talked for long hours and didn't really noticed the time but it is perfectly fine because i miss him too <33


When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
-Last night she called


What were you doing an hour ago?
-Eating lunch


What are you looking forward to in the next month?
-Birthdayzzxxzxzxzxzxzx (his and hers)


Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
-More or less i guess I don't think its the same so...i'll go with similar


Are you wearing jeans right now?
-Are you mad? For goodness sake i am at home


Are you a patient person?
-At times


Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
-Yeah i can


Favorite color?
-Green I guess


Are you missing someone?
-Yeah my heart misses my girls and boys and you


Did you have a dream last night?
-Last night? I have dreams almost every night


Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
-Shorts


If someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?
-You/him/some kind soul


Do you love anyone who is not related to you?-Uh-huh


If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
-I guess not, im not good at rejecting people gently or in general saying no


Do you like meeting new people?
-YEZXZXZZXZXZXZXZXZXXZZXZXZX


Are you afraid of falling in love?
-A little tiny bit


Ever liked someone older than you?
-Uh-huh


Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
-Yes actually, he told me few times before


Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
-Sometimes yes


If you could make one person fall in love with you, who would it be?
-heheheh don't tell you

Maybe nobody changes. Maybe you just don't know them enough.



This is supposed to be moving! Why is it not moving?!??!? OMGGG. This is stupid enough.



For once im saying this, he looks good while sniffing his lungs out. Truth be told, i hate guys who smokes but it seems that all the guys i had crushed on smoked including you. Oh, what to do >.<

Okay, so based on some pshycological studies, a crush only exists for a maximum of 4 months only. So explain what does it mean to be crushing on the same person for a year a month now? So with crush out of the picture then there's love, i can think of now. Now there i go again. I am so naive as to believe what i read on the internet/anywhere. I am so convinced that i might be in love, like reallyreally love you, or so i thought. I am so gullible to believe that maybe we are destined to be together. Because i keep falling in and out of love with you. Because i do not believed that all these times that i keep seeing you in my dreams and the number of times i have been 'casually' bumping into you this whole time, it is for nothing. Doubtlessly, i don't believed its for nothing. In contrast, i believed there's something waiting for us. Its just a matter of when boy. I know it is and i trust myself.

Anyway, on a happier note i absolutely loved cute boys. They are so nice to look at and don't lie. Because i believed that even girls with boyfriends will helped themselves to those boys. And so i was doing nothing significant when i stumbled upon these pictures of cute boys and decided to have some of them perking up my page. Recently, i have befriended some cute boys and yeah i am content. HEHH. And i hate how society is now. Because people stereotyped and make matters seem more complex than it should be. For example, when a girl says she loved boys (in general), people will have the tendency to think that OHGOSHHH SHEMUST BE A SLUT/FLIRT/BITCH . When you eat plenty, you will be labeled as FAT but when you don't, you are considered an ANEROXIC. When you read, you're a nerd but when you don't, you're stupid. You let someone in, you're easy. You don't let someone in, you're too uptight. You smoke, you think you're cool. You don't smoke, you're a loser. You wear make up, you're a slag. You don't wear make up, you're ugly. And the list goes on. It never stops, im telling you. So i reckon you should say this to society now.

Hmm, let's see. First, fucking, second slut and now bitch. Woww, im getting vulgar by the minute now. But who cares right? I mean everyone says that too. Its not a crime i just think its inappropriate. Goodbye now. I need sleep. I have not slept a wink since last night. I was not supposed to blog this long actually but i can't help it when my blogging bug gets into me.

xxxxxzxx

We can be each other's salvation, or each other's doom.

I have no intention to blog today actually but i decided to greet the world who has been reading my dusty blog. Anyway, i decided to get a job today but i chickened out at the very last minute. It beats me either because i have been wanting to get out there but towards the end of filling up the application form, it hits me that maybe im not yet ready for work. But the thing is, i want to get a job like everyone else.  >.< I seriously need someone to talk sense into me.

Moving forward, recently my mom brought me to purchase a new phone for myself but after hours of deliberating i still could not decide which model suits me best. The salesgirl had brought out all kinds of phone models that are suitable for me but blame myself for being so extra fickle-minded on that day. At the end of the day, my mom wanted me to think about it carefully and im getting it pretty soon. Its only a matter of days now. So the salesgirl recommended me some phones that looked bulky/too business-like and nothing that i like.


I think the salesgirl got tired of me already since this is the last phone she showed me and keep on telling me how good the features are (you can use both as touchscreen and the pad as well) but i tuned out totally. HaHa.



So i wanted this model but my mom insisted that this may be rather a little 'outdated' already because of its released some time back but i get to choose here. She insisted on me getting the latest model but i want a phone that has the QWERTY keyboard feature.



And so then today and wtv, i have finally decided on this, X5. It is cute, i liked the colour, it is square, it has the QWERTY keyboard. In other words its perfect for me :3

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

Today was okay. Truthfully, i was not in the best of mood these couple of days.  I have been waking up with the same intense grudge sitting at the corner of my chest but it just sort of faded away as the day lulled by slowly. It was an overwhelming sense of outrage i felt towards you. You irked me. I was totally disgusted by you. You exasperated me so much to the point that i can't look at you the same anymore. You are so full of yourself and let it get too much in your head that you forgot i have feelings too. I have my own mind, i decide what i feel. Thats the problem now. It lies within you and you never realised it 'cause you are constantly thinking of ways to impress me as if words were meant to stand in for all apologies. Until it became oblivious to you. The feeling was further compounded when we got near. Your smell clings to my nostrils and i hated how it stayed there until yesterday. You have always thought that i am an easy person and within the realm of possibility, you always have the perception that i will open my heart for you again. We both know that i am  insecure and haunted for a long time now but i never asked for you to work hard to fill the hollow and replace the horror with love and you. But thats just you. You loved to assume. And i hate you for that. If you ever thought that there will be us in the future, im sorry to say that it will be next to impossible. I wished that was the last time i ever see you again. I wished for the whole thing to evaporate like morning mist. I wished for this nightmare to end. And all that happened shall remain undisclosed to all, known to some.

And im sorry this whole post is shit. I hate it too when i am too caught up in my train of thoughts. 



It was a night to remember.



we look so pretty.




Favourite girls, ooh, scratch that women i mean.





I loved how my head seems to tilt a little to the side and especially loved how we looked last night!





....and i looked so small and tiny.




poor clarity but still pretty.



Fun Fact: we wore the same pair of shoes!

Bestfriends <333333333333

LYLAS<33333333333

Favourite Girl <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

We looked super stunning, dont you think so?

Bukh so handsome so cute last night!



Here's another pretty boy :3



He may be quite old but he still is good-looking, can't deny that!

........and vinia was like, ignore the titss and careful coz im sweating! hahah.

I love my Bree<33

Pictures are self-explanatory but of course, more will be on facebook. So..go on, click click!

My childhood heroine.

Hi there, meet my childhood hero(ine). I used to sing her hit songs in the shower and even though she is a little mesed up now, i still love her.

Recently my mom and i went shopping together. Before we set our foot out we had a budget set actually. As expected, we spent over 200 bucks more than the budget set but it was worth it for everyone went home with happy faces worn. Yesterday i visited my hairdresser toget my hair trimmed and layered and she did what she was supposed to do.  I had my eyes shut when she happily snipped my hair off because i don't want to part with it but i have to lest my hair will grow to be unhealthy with so many split ends. Even so after a year or so not visiting my hairdresser, she told me how soft and well taken care of my hair is. I loved when people compliment me about my hair :3 It makes me feel good about myself and boost my self-esteem. Well i'd better go get things ready for tonight!

We will crash again.

On fifteen November was very special. Beyond words can say. My favourite people on the face of earth made me realized that birthdays can really be beyond special. Monday was like the epitome of a perfect day. I could not possibly have asked for more than what i got. And like they said, things that go unplanned are always the best. Nobody can deny that. Ever. I swear to anything. Nothing beats them. I know i am not exactly that articulate of a person so i didn't exactly express my thoughts and feelings really well but just so you know, i am ever so grateful for the troubles you people have gone through to make the outcome a success <33 It was a moment of contentment for me and everyone i supposed. When i re-read the notes and letters and saw the presents once again, it always felt like the first time that  i read and saw everything. I loved how that feels like. So then that night, i lay down, contemplating. I seemed to overthink everything, everyone and have so much fear engulfed me and i felt so overwhelmed by it. I have so much fear lingering on my door that sometimes i got myself paranoid for no apparent reason. But nevertheless, the one thing i loved about myself is that i get over things fast [Notice i said things, not someone or a person]. I might be all sad and grumpy but the next minute i will get over it and will be all smiles. Just like always.  

And special thanks and everything to Nuurainy aka Nia for the white lies and all. I love you people <33. I fucking love these people (Thats the first vulgarity i have ever written on my blog so that i reckon pretty much emphasized on how much i appreciated their prescence.) hehh.

Tomorrow is the day. Like finally. Its our grad night aka prom night minus the couple dancing i supposed. Its okay that our school may be the only exception by helding it in our school hall. Come on, we can be like the americans. They had theirs in school too as far as i know. Its our last chance to gather everyone again before we proceed on in life, pursuing many different things in life. And i got myself a date, or wtv it is you called.

All in vain.

One of the things i really do appreciate now is having time all to myself. Nothing beats the idea of immersing myself in nothing like the reality and to forget the rest of the world. You see, its not my fault that i liked to shut myself out from the rest of the world sometimes. Some people need to learn that maybe sometimes i just want to be alone. Wouldn't it be such a great thing to not have the past in existence...to have absolute nothing of memories left behind and regret whatsoever? Not even fragments of it inside your head. That would be good.


And while im writing, mountains of notes and books, all are science-related, are right in front of me. I am actually pretty good at multi-tasking. Preparing for tomorrow's paper while blogging and listening to some music i just downloaded. Speaking of which i finally figured how to insert music on my blog via youtube. I might be what you called 'slow' but at least i got it.  And I am the kind of person who would listen to a particular song over and over again until i start to hate it.
 And..thats me getting sidetracked. Well i have forgotten what i had intended to write about earlier so goodbye for now. I'll write again when there's time, when i know what im gonna write about, when it comes back to me. Maybe not tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Just some other day. :3



This obviously doesn't express me well but still, i have an affinity for boys who dresses like this. Hehh.

ps/ omgogmgomgomgomgogmogmgomg i can't wait for tomorrow! heeeehh i just hope you would be there though :(  

Firework

Well, I’m aware I lack some people’s ... easy grace with strangers. I don’t exactly make you feel like you’ve known me forever even though we just met. When I laugh, you might not smile just at the coquettish sound of it, and I may not be spontaneous or delightful or full of surprises, and my hair not sparkle when it catches the light...

—Blair Waldorf.

Hi readers. I reckon you should totally listen to firework if you have not. Because...it's such a great song and her video is even more inspirational. to me, at least it is. On another note, i reckon something is not really right because i have been dreaming of random people lately. Well, actually for few weeks already. Yesterday i dreamt of someone whom i don't know but i wish i knew him. Actually wait. I know him, as in just happened to have seen him always. We're acquaintance. I have always seen him around and i marvel too at why out of all people it has got to be him. It totally doesn't make any sense. For one reason, my mum told me that when you dream of someone it means that someone misses you. For second reason, sabreena told me that when you dream of someone, it means he was thinking of me before he went to sleep. For third reason, tumblr told me that when you dream of someone, it means he wants to see you.

Reality check. He misses me? Like so NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Second, he was thinking of me? Seems a little tiny bit creepy and then he wants to see me? For what reason? We are not even friends. Maybe i was wrong when i said we were acquaintance because we don't even know each other's name. So i guess we're perfect stangers. That doesn't exactly describe us two but yeah, thats just how i like to put it.

But being me, i might as well believe all of that. Alright bye now, im gonna sleep my life away! :3

Half of my heart.

You can break my heart, but you can't break me. I am a small person but i have more strength than you can ever imagine. This is the same strength i've built throughout the life i have lived. The best thing that i have learned out of everything, the most valuable lesson is that, the ones closest to you can go furthest away from you. You gave them a special place in your heart, but they have you erased from theirs. For this reason, i have always been careful not to be close to someone i cared most about for fear that something bad will bound to happen in due time as and when happiness decides not to linger on my door anymore. The people i loved the most, i can't tell them just how much they meant to me. Because then i know i will expect something in return and i hate to feel disappointed and broken. I don't want to feel like i am just waiting for myself to get burnt everytime.


I have said it once, i have said it twice. I have said it a thousand times that I am ok, I am fine that it is all in my mind. But this has got the best of me and I can't seem to think rationally. I am done getting hurt, I am done being treated less than i deserved, I am done being taken advantage of , I am done being nice to everyone and I am done caring about something that doesn't even matter anymore. I'm sorry but thats just how i think right now. I think the worst of everything and everyone and I just don't trust anyone, anymore.


Have you ever wish to have someone that you know for sure will spent half of their day listening you grumbling just about anything and someone whom you know will never walked out of your life and especially someone whom you can completely trust. Sometimes i wish i could talk to anybody about anything and not feel insecure for letting my walls come down. Sometimes i just need to talk and somebody to listen. Nothing more nothing less. Sometimes i marvel at why some people just can't do that. I mean, sure they are such good bunch of nice people but I just don't trust them enough to talk things pertaining to my life and all. Well....there is someone actually. It has been a long time since the last time we actually talked.  And i miss her terribly. :(


I'm sorry for feeding you with one of my emotianal post again. I can't help it. I don't want the worries to sit inside me like a big lump anymore. And i promised that my next post will not anymore be sappy but just maybe, full of happiness.